I have this nudge to reconcile with Astin. I don't know why or what the benifit of that would be. Mehh!! I think I miss his friendship all too much.

How do these people know my life??!!!

I'm Scared of Moving On.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that I have lost so much this past year. And the fact that I'm turning 16 and I see that as some sort of turning point. It is the preceding "big" number to 18. So tonight, while home alone, I began thinking about everything. how much I miss my grandmother, my aunt, my "relationship" with my dad, my rock. I miss my best friend and I miss not having my brother next to me, divided by a half foot wall. I miss it all. I really and truly do. I just want to cry until I cannot cry anymore.

A Memory Fading Into Gray.

Lately all thing have been coming out to haunt me. My past is nothing but gone. I believe it will be here forever more. I know it will be, however, I must grow from it. I', sure that I have already done so but more in the sense where it won't hurt me anymore. Mostly, I am just sore. I despise having to be perfect all the fucking time. Honestly, if I were to go to school dressed the way I feel, people would avoid me. nobody would talk to me but they would all give me death glares. This empty pang inside of me is eating me alive. Slowly of fast i"m sure I do not know but it is. Soon I will waste away to nothing and be no more that a memory. A wisp of thought. You won't think twice about the way you treated me, and quite obviously, I won't be able to hurt after this.