I can't..

.. bring my self to separate myself from the idea of us. True, we may not have courted but I still fell as though our conversations were enough. I know I would fail us, but I still want to try. I want to be able to have the capacity to care for a guy. For you. I want to be able to have someone to write to. I want to be able to go on adventures late at night. I want to be able to lye in your arms under the sky and wonder if it is real. I want that. I wanted you. I know that I cannot have you and must somehow pull away. It won't be the same way as last time though. I will keep your friendship forever.